When struggles become blessings
I stared at the orange medication bottle in my hand for what seemed like a lightyear. I took a deep breath and knew what I had to do. I stood up, walked to the bathroom and dumped every tiny blue pill into the toilet; I released my life force.
Rewind 3 years back, to 13 years old. I was sat down and informed that my mother had passed away after years of drug and alcohol addiction. My dad was in prison. I laid on my bedroom floor wondering how I was going to survive in this world if neither of my parents, the people who gave me life, could.
At the age of 13, I felt a lack of security. I felt like no one could understand the pain or confusion I was experiencing. I thought that some people were meant to be happy, and others, not so much.
This spiraled into a nightmare as I’m sure you can imagine. I couldn’t focus in class, I was either sleeping from emotional exhaustion or daydreaming. I dealt with what I would call now an eating disorder, coming from a place of never feeling adequate. I felt a lot of anger toward life and didn’t know how to get out of the hole I felt stuck in.
At the age of 15, I started taking two types of ADHD medication. It killed my appetite & cloaked my personality. On days that I would run out of my prescriptions, I would feel lifeless. I continued having to up my dosage due to a growing tolerance. I was worried that I would have to take it for my whole life, or else I wouldn’t be able to function in the real world.
Back to me, dumping my pills in the toilet. This was a pivotal moment for me. I was 16, and glimpses of light were starting to shine through. I had recently been reading about meditation and began opening my mind to new forms of spirituality. My curiosity fueled passionate research regarding any and every societal construct. This included animal agriculture, the government, big pharma, monetized religion, and how they are all so wonderfully (sarcastic) intertwined. Pandora’s box was opened.
That moment in the bathroom was really nothing but a conscious decision. It was me, accepting the fact that my parents were human, recognizing the generational pattern of pain and confusion, and making a conscious decision to end that vicious cycle. I recognized that the medication, the self- destructive thinking, the pent up emotion; all of it, needed to be released, once and for all.
I quit my medications cold turkey. About a month later, I adopted a plant- based lifestyle, from the decision to extend my compassion toward myself, other beings, and the planet. I meditated everyday. I delved into everything holistic health related, including but not limited to energetic healing, chinese medicine, Ayurveda, plant medicine, the medicinal properties of herbs and plant foods, combating emotional eating, and more. My confusion was replaced with passion.
Beside my natural inquisitiveness fueling my holistic healing rampage, everything I implemented really worked. Medication, an eating disorder, unhealthy coping mechanisms; none of this worked. Meditation, plant based eating, learning mind control; these things made a drastic impact on my life. I slowly started to feel more confident, energetic, and most importantly, whole in myself.
Ever since, growth has been beautiful but certainly not easy or comfortable. Healing hasn’t been about pretending to be perfect or having everything figured out; on the contrary. Healing is recognizing those inner wounds and saying “Hi, I see you! You are loved” and making the decision every day to mend them.
When childhood- stemmed feelings of inadequacy arrive (which sometimes they still do), instead of being hard on myself, I give myself a mental hug and remind myself that I am enough. This is what healing has looked like for me.
Life has become infinitely more authentic and rich because of these moments where I allow myself to feel and then loving myself for it.
Choosing growth, delving headfirst into my passion, and moving upward instead of drowning in my thoughts: this was what saved me from the path of self destruction.
Now, to present day, a part of aligning with my truth is responding to my purpose. This, I am confident to say, is to provide hope for those of you who are also ready to end limiting programs and habits, big or small, and live out the life you genuinely deserve.
Witnessing and guiding the transformation in others is what I am most passionate about. For me not to be working in the field of health and healing, would be steering off my divine path. If there is anything I can thank my challenges for, it would be for revealing these truths to me.
There are many other details of my life that have shaped me into the person I am today; these parts I have just shared are just a few stops on my journey. I intend to be vulnerable and share more as long as it displays a message of hope.
Sharing the darkest times of my life isn’t difficult because I consider those times some of my most impactful blessings. They provided me with the clarity and strength required for me to bloom into my truest self. I now view my life challenges as opportunities to rise above and get to know myself and others on a deeper level. This extends into my practice; I will always remind my clients, friends, and loved ones that whatever you are experiencing in your life, whether it’s bliss or tribulation, it is a vital part of your journey, and the moment you truly embrace it is the moment you are liberated.
If you have also recognized the generational pain and confusion passed down into your present life, whether it’s eating problems, drug/alcohol addiction, limiting beliefs, financial struggles, or any form of self- destruction, congratulations. Now that you know that it is there, you have the power to end it. Your choice in doing so is the decision to heal generations before you and clear the path for future generations. Choosing to love and heal yourself is actually one of the most selfless decisions you will ever make.
Moving forward, I couldn’t be more thrilled to announce the upcoming release of a 1:1 healing program called The Radiant Womban. This transformational program is designed exclusively for women. I have been investing my energy into developing this program for nearly a year, though it contains multiple years of research and experience. This is where all my passion and energy has been invested recently, along with continuing my own path of self- growth. If you are a woman, or a man who knows a woman who is undergoing symptoms of a hormonal imbalance (acne, mood swings, cramping), and are interested in natural birth control, or is seeking empowerment to take on life like the badass female that they are, here’s more information about The Radiant Womban. <- Click. Please remember, your story and transformation is just as important to me as my own. We are all on this journey together.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story. Now that you know a little about me, I’d love to know more about the experiences that make up you. Email me at email@example.com or feel free comment below.